If you love cheap ripoffs of The Hunger Games like Maze Runner and Divergent then boy oh boy are you going to dig this one. Hang tight as 20th Century Fox scours the deepest and darkest depths of the Young Adult section of a library to find a book — any book; even if it’s not a bestseller; even if not a single soul has read it — that hasn’t yet been adapted into a feature film, and put together another fantastical movie about children banding together to fight oppression. And to keep things sexy, this time the kids. have. SUPERPOWERS!
As much as I make fun of the YA genre, I was one of the very few people who actually went, “Holy amazeballs!” when the trailer for The Darkest Minds dropped. I’m not going to lie. I loved it and was genuinely looking forward to watching this X-Men-Hunger Games amalgamation on the big screen. I wasn’t expecting greatness (I’m not that big of an idiot), but I was hoping to at least shove popcorn in my face and have a blast. Well, it brings me no pleasure to report that I didn’t get popcorn (I was running late and didn’t want to miss the trailers) and definitely didn’t have a blast. Not one bit. The movie isn’t offensively terrible — it’s not the kind that makes you wonder if the universe should give humanity the middle finger and bring back the dinosaurs, instead — but it is aggressively bland and terribly uninspiring.
The premise is pretty cool, I’ll give it that. Despite being a remix of remix of movies we’ve been getting since 2012, its concept has the potential to grow into the next big thing had it been handled by the right people. Everyone under the age 18 suddenly mutates. Many die but those who survive, develop new abilities. These kids are seen as a threat by the government and are captured and sent to detainment camps where tests are run and they’re segregated according to categories (greens, blues and golds are considered relatively “safe”, while oranges and reds are killed on sight). Our protagonist, an orange, escapes her captors and teams up with other runaways looking for a safe haven. And of course, they want to fight the adults who’ve taken away their human rights.
What separates The Hunger Games from the pack, what made it a global phenomenon, isn’t just the fact that it’s the first of its kind (in mainstream Hollywood, at least) but that it’s awe-inspiring. The first Hunger Games movie may not be the best of the franchise, but director Gary Ross does a good job adapting and introducing us to Suzanne Collins’ wondrous yet treacherous world and inhabiting this world with characters that are distinct and memorable, played by actors who’re brimming with charisma. We get none of that here. While the basic premise sounds intriguing on paper, director Jennifer Yuh Nelson does very little to keep us intrigued. There wasn’t a single moment where my mouth was wide open, not a single second that had me curious. The premise is set up at an odd pace, in a terribly uncool manner. There is a voice over followed by a sequence that somewhat mirrors Angel’s arc in the lousy Brett Ratner X-Men movie, The Last Stand.
It isn’t just the opening sequence. Every single sequence in this movie takes place in a nonchalant manner. Consider the agony you felt watching Katniss volunteering as tribute versus the nothingness you feel watching our protagonist get taken away by the military. For a cool concept, the execution is terribly uncool. The Darkest Minds lacks the feeling of wonder evoked by better fantasy films, and the thrills to keep you on the edge of your seats.
Chad Hodge’s screenplay is a mess, with subplots that don’t intertwine as neatly as it should. On the surface, we have kids who’re trying to get to the safe haven, away from the asshole peeps working for the government. But we also have another group of adults who may or may not be some sort of rebel alliance. The leader of the safe haven, who’s a kid, may or may not be good. And in the middle of all that, there are bounty hunters that occasionally invade the story. It’s just a hodgepodge of ideas that don’t gel. They just sorta sit there. Even the action sequences just come and go without much spark.
The worst part is, the movie actually believes it’s good enough to warrant a sequel. The ending of the movie (oh puhlease, you’re concerned about spoilers for this movie?) sees a variation of Katniss Everdeen’s three finger salute as if to say “that’s right ma bitches! We’re kids, we’re powerful and we’re coming to get you!” It’s hilarious.
The characters aren’t memorable either. I can’t for the love of God even remember any of their names. And for those of you hardcore The Darkest Minds enthusiasts out there, don’t go yelling at these teen actors on social media. It’s not their fault. None of them glow like Jennifer Lawrence did in The Hunger Games — we knew she would go on to be a S T A R — but they’re decent enough and they (Amandla Stenberg, Harris Dickinson, Miya Cech, Skylan Brooks) are definitely not phoning it in. It’s just that they have nothing remotely nuanced to work with and no interesting lines to deliver.
Look, I genuinely love the YA genre (I don’t think the Twilight films are terrible — fight me) and I love superhero stuff, so The Darkest Minds movie falls right in my wheelhouse. It wouldn’t have taken a lot to entertain me but man, does this movie not work. At all. I just don’t care and frankly will probably forget of its existence come the end of the year. So, what happens when X-Men meets The Hunger Games? Well if it’s penned by Chad Hodge and helmed by Jennifer Yuh Nelson, it sinks to the bottom of a shit-filled sewer, that’s what.
Hey you! Yes you, hot stuff. Like my article? Leave a comment below and let me know whatchu think. Also, don’t forget to share it with your buds. And if you’d like to talk movies with me you can hit me up on Twitter or Instagram here: @dashtalksmovies
